"Thank you, I'm so happy for this wedding. Hey, what's up Swifties? You know what it is, we are the biggest Taylor Swift fanatics live streaming coverage of the wedding. They got the traffic outside Madison Square Garden. Let's go! Chevrolet Mexico flag thing, that's cool. Taylor voted for Kamala. Taylor might be in one of those cars. Hope that guy's in the union, cause that's a lot of grub, but it doesn't matter. He would probably do that hard work for free because Taylor is Taylor. God, hell yeah. Aquafita water wrapped up really tight in cellophane. Taylor is such a queen. Oh my God, a box! Box, it says other end up. Special recipe, Hormel foods, that's what my dad ate the chili out of. What do you, my parents got divorced. My tequila, Glenview Farms, yes! If it wasn't for the brave journalists who were willing to cover what the ultra wealthy were doing to create traffic in major metropolitan areas, I don't know what I would do with the rest of my time. Oh, Tropicana cranberry juice. What did I do to deserve such a good life? I only make $7.25 an hour because they haven't passed a federal minimum wage in so long, but it doesn't matter. What I lack in money, I make up for. Enjoy knowing that Taylor's guests can have Tropicana cranberry juice. Hey, this is just satire. Come join my friends and I on stream today at 12 noon to celebrate America's birthday and Taylor Swift's wedding because we have nothing more important to go over."