"I'm from Office Depot. I don't do infrastructure. I'm Parker Lane at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, where officials blame vandalism for the algae and peeling paint, and a 350-foot gash allegedly cut with a box cutter. With me is the box cutter. Sir, are you responsible? 350 feet? I retract two inches, Parker. Two inches! They originally said, I quote, if you had a knife, you can't even cut it. So it's uncuttable, but I cut it. Do they even hear themselves? Logic is officially dead, and the box cutter has an alibi."