"Good morning, you're watching BBC One, and this is Live and Kicking! Yeah, yeah, wait a minute, it ought to look quiet, Rats. Look, I'm sorry, you only had the 28-week contract. This is programme 29. I'm sorry, I've got some friends in to do this, but come on, boys. Come on, in you come, lads, in you come. Get off, Rats, come on, in you come. There we are. OK, everybody, this is BBC One. And you're watching Live and Kicking. Hello! Get off, get off, get off! You better quit while you're ahead. Don't worry, guys, don't worry. Because we still have three and a quarter hours of the hottest Saturday morning TV show on the box. Yes, and you can do what you like, because next week, everything changes. But as I promised to you, we will have the best, the most high-quality entertainment for the next three and a quarter hours that you could possibly have on a Saturday morning. That's a promise, but look, it'll only take me a minute to discover who our mystery guests are. Hello there, how are you? As long as all that, you can phone in and play. Every loony wins the game for idiots. And the number is 0716512345... Dull, dim. Look, the correct number, if you want to play Every Loony Wins, is 081-811-8181. Hello, Mark. Hello, Andy. Just a minute, there's bubble trouble in Peter Pan and the Pirates in Court of an Hour. At 9.50, make sure you flock to the TV to meet Leslie Joseph from Birds of a Feather. And Birds of a Feather, flock together at 9.55 for a special edition of Run the Wrists. And stay tuned for Eternal, who are here live at 10.20. Grimmie is out to impress. It's a severe case of puppy love at 10.45. If you want to keep people laughing, then stay by your set at 11.40 and watch Lenny Henry with his top five tips. Take that to hear all morning and you can phone them at 11.45. Get styling, need we ask. And just who is the lone yodeler? He'll reveal himself in the video garden and we'll find out at 5 to 12. All that and more on Live and Kicking. Also, get your calls in today because we have Leslie Joseph you can talk to. You can also call to play Every Looney Wins. You can talk to Take That. Get your questions in for them. The number two dial is 0818118181. We will take your calls right here. If you just want to call and say hi, say hi."