(Wish you could) try, try this American pie
"What's up y'all, we're back in the kitchen. Happy belated birthday America. I'm an American, that means I like two things, flags and pie. Here we go. Ah, yes, pies. Boy, we love pies in this country, don't we? Not many things as American as a pie. And not just an apple pie, that's the OG of course, but there's other kinds of American pies. There's the one that Jason Bigg stuck his wiener in in that movie. Although I guess that might've also been an apple pie. I don't remember, but it's a wiener pie now, you know what I'm saying? But there's also the kind of American pie that's a folk song about a plane crash, people like that kind too. We like pies in this country. I've always thought it's weird we don't do more meat pies in America though, considering how fat and otherwise pie obsessed we are. You know in other commonwealth countries, they'll put anything in a pie. Over there in England, they'll put a whole ass eel in a pie if you don't watch them. I'm not saying we should be doing that type of wild shit. I just mean that you'd think we'd have more options than chicken pot. But we love pies, even during the depression when people was having to eat bugs and dust and stuff. They kept making pies, just working with what they had. There was water pies and vinegar pies. Sadness pie I think was a very popular choice. They were called desperation pies. People were like, are they supposed to make us feel less depression-y because it's not working. But we just couldn't do without our pies. Harriet Beecher Stowe once said that the variety of American pies attest to the fertility of the feminine mind. Which checks out cause you'll see pretty soon that my regular old dumb ass man's mind just settled on the most obvious and least creative pie option possible for this 4th of July potluck I'm going to for America's 250th. You probably already see where this is going. You saw the strawberries. You know those are red, breaking news. Blueberries, those are, you guessed it, blue. Some might say indigo, but you know what I mean. And then finally, the third most American color, beige for the pie crust. Red, beige, and blue, baby. We do love beige foods in this country. I've had entire meals consisting of nothing but beige foods. Unrelated note, my cholesterol's not doing great, but hey, America, baby. Either way, y'all can probably see where I'm going with this American pie concept. Yes, we're doing the flag. Stars and stripes. Why is my flag designed upside down? Am I sending a message? Don't worry about it. It just worked out that way. Perhaps the universe is sending a message to us. I'll just think about that. Either way, look at them stripes. Them's not too bad, right? Not too shabby. Four stars, cause like most Americans who grew up east of the Mississippi, I recognize four primary regions of the country. The Northeast, the South, the Midwest, and the rest of it. No, it's just cause that was the size of my cookie cutter. Either way, this one, it comes out pretty rustic, right? But hey, you wouldn't kick that out of bed, would you? Not looking too bad. I gotta be honest with y'all about something though. I suspect that this recipe I found was made by a non-American, cause it was not sweet enough. I need to be sweeter and fatter than that, but it wasn't too bad. See you, love you, bye."
💬 Discussion
(Wish you could) try, try this American pie
