"The story of the Fat Orange Monster and the Pool of Sorrows once upon a time. In a far-off land, the Fat Orange Monster was having a very, very, very bad day. The monster had kinda sorta utterly destroyed most of the kingdom. He taxed everyone into poverty. He was constantly being hounded about the evil shit he did with Jeff the Wizard. And then he went to war so he'd look all big and tough. But then he lost and he looked like a fucking dumbass loser, which he was. Nothing could go right for the monster. And so he had an idea. That's it! He exclaimed. I'll paint that pool out there. Everyone loves a pool. They'll all come and look at it and be like, that monster, he sure isn't a fucking dumbass. But the monster was a dumbass. A massive dumbass. And like the massive dumbass he was, he fucked it all up. The pool leaked and plants started growing in it and the people kind of chuckled. Like it wasn't that big of a deal. It was what we expected at this point. But the monster was so angry he screamed, bleach the pool, kill all those fucking plants and poison the ducks and geese or whatever. But the pool bleaching just made the cheap paint come loose and float to the top. Which was a really weird sight to see. And the people, curious, went to go look at it. And the monster, being a dumbass fat lardy baby, cried, Vandals! You've defaced my pool! Because the dumbass fat lardy baby monster couldn't comprehend that he was the one who fucked up. And he couldn't just fix the problem and move on. Instead he blamed a guy, just like some guy, who walked past it and looked in and said, huh, that's weird. And the monster screamed, him! Take him to the dungeons! Flay him! Flay him alive! And the monster ordered his knights to guard the pool, which is a really important thing for them to be doing during a literal war. And the monster looked at his weird chemical paint swamp with dead floating birds in it and smiled to himself. And he said to no one in particular, I'm doing such a great job. And the people looked back and sighed in disbelief. Only 943 more days to go. Get in the fucking box, you weird loser!"