"I saw a young Rastafarian gentleman on the side of the road. As one of my constituents, I felt it my duty to stop and offer him a lift. During the journey, I pulled over into a nearby alleyway so that I could safely reach into the glove compartment and take out a Marie Mint. At this point, I fell on top of him and I regret to say a part of my body accidentally entered him. I needed to go to the toilet, so I went to one that I knew would be open at three in the morning. Upon my arrival, I met two men, Carlos and Eduardo, who invited me into their cubicle to talk to them about government policy. Unfortunately, I slipped on the wet floor and became sandwiched between the two men in a position that the arresting officer informed me is known as a spit rose. I was then invited to join a group of gentlemen at a party in Brighton where I was planning to give a talk about education reforms. However, shortly after my arrival, my clothes accidentally fell off. At that moment, I slipped on a glass of cherry and landed inside one of the men. As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of the matter. Thank you."