"Another weird week, 4th of July edition. As the president tries to make Independence Day yet another cheap monument to himself, America gears up to mark its 250th birthday the same as we started by trying to rid ourselves of the king. He stole money from the bipartisan celebration and funneled it into his own to give us the great American state fire festival. It was poorly attended, shoddily thrown together, terribly overpriced, and meant we're fainting from the heat as the only real chance you'll have to see some stars. On the flip side, there was one patron who really enjoyed himself, and the fact that all Americans were not fully represented is a good way to teach kids about Congress. Recess Mike sent lawmakers home again, even that New Jersey congressman. Just back from 4 months of paid sick leave after voting against giving workers 40 hours of it. While the president took his maiden flight on Arab Force One, Qatar is now weirdly one of our closest Middle East allies. We lost more American lives to both the war and the fear of flu vaccines. Decorated generals criticized military purges and an active Air Force officer got arrested for calling for impeachment. I shot more people, arrested more U.S. citizens, confronted people at polling places, and even detained a nun headed to mass. A bunch of originalists on the Supreme Court said that our forefathers believed money was speech and that America needed a king and that almost a century of precedent is unimportant. They said the president can destroy any agency that protects people unless it's one that protects rich people. They said immigration should be determined by race baiting and elections should be determined by billionaires. If you want to come to this country and use our resources, do it the right way. By donating to the president's ballroom or his crypto pro quo, we learned that the president made more money from his office last year than he has in his entire life and true to his dark web style business model, he made the bulk of that through crypto. He made thousands more trades than every other president and way more money than every publicly traded crypto firm. Just a coincidence, I'm sure. The affordable housing bill is still too boring for him to sign, but Robert De Niro did speak with Teddy Roosevelt who recommends people fill up at AI-generated gas stations. He had no comment on Buttigieg getting swatted, but they did indict a ham sandwich to cover for his pool debacle. As Fox News worried about Mom Donnie asking folks to conserve energy, Texas taught us that Sharia law can also be bad. So on this 250th, I'm celebrating what I love about this country. It's beauty. It's people. It's football. And right now, it's football. I love that the World Cup being here reminds us that diversity is our strength, that immigrants are vital to our greatness and that sometimes it takes people coming here to appreciate the joy of welcoming strangers and the little things like the sizes of our Costco and the concept of our ranch dressing and the taste of our barbecue and that we're founded on an aspirational document that stated that we would have Unless they'd be burger and we would have no queens, unless they'd be dairy. Have a good weekend. Happy 4th. Stay ornery."