"20 push-ups a day will change your life. Here's the scientific breakdown of what will happen to your body. By day five, you will start waking up energized, achieving better erections. By day 10, you will have a renewed look on life and start believing 9-11 was an inside job. By day 20, your ass will retract back into your body, closing the hole completely. You will have to defecate from your mouth instead. By day 50, you will have completed your transformation into a lizard person. By day 80, you are now an enlightened person. You are one with the universe. By day 81, you will gather with like-minded people and start a utopia in a forest. By day 82, the utopia will fall apart when you force everyone to drink poison to go to heaven. By day 83, you will feel somewhat displeased with yourself. By day 84, you'll feel amazing, achieving even better erections. By day 85, you will die mysteriously, wishless than I don't seem."